You Have What It Takes

Our enemy is the father of lies, and one of his worst lies is that young men cannot be pure. He convinces the world that holiness is impossible, and that it’s not worth making the effort because young men aren’t capable of controlling themselves. The lie suggests you are broken and hopeless and that any effort to be a godly man is pointless. Not so! The objective of the lie is to make you give up, to grow accustomed to sinning, and to accept life at a low level.

Paul debunks this lie. You “have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh [sinful nature], to live according to it” (Romans 8:12). You aren’t doomed! Don’t assume defeat. God is with you, and God is for you. You can be the man God wants you to be.

In Romans 8, Paul goes on to further refute this lie:

  You are not a slave to fear. All this talk about being a warrior, having a battle to fight, and an enemy who is out to get you might sound scary and overwhelming, but you have a loving Heavenly Father who is on your side. That should chase fear away and fill you with confident strength. God is with you. He’s teaching you how to fight and overcome, letting you in on His winning strategies. Don’t be afraid! You can be a godly man.

“Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live. For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.”

— Romans 8:12–16 (emphasis added)

  You are not orphaned. An orphan boy is left on his own. He feels abandoned, left to defend himself without anyone bigger and stronger to stand next to him. He believes that if anything good is to happen it will be his to achieve alone. But that is not so! Ask any orphan who has been chosen and adopted by a great family; the feelings of abandonment are gone. When you give your life over to Jesus, He adopts you into His family and fathers you. God is always next to you, guiding you, coaching you, advising you, and empowering you. You are not abandoned and you are not alone. The eternal and infinite, all-powerful, all-knowing, everywhere-present God is with you.

  You are God’s son! God takes His sons into His confidence, helps them, and protects them. You are prized by God. In Him you are safe and strengthened. He gives His sons everything they need to win.

Anytime you feel fear or abandonment—when you sense you are inadequate, not up to the challenge set before you—you will be tempted to be passive or to be abusive. Neither is the right response for a son of God. Before we talk about the right way to square your shoulders and confront the challenges you are facing, let’s look at what it means to be passive and what it means to be abusive.

Adam: A Passive Man

In the Garden of Eden, Adam chose to be passive. He did not fight for Eve to make the right choice. He stood next to her and silently watched her disobey God. Then, he ate the forbidden fruit himself. By choosing to be passive, Adam chose Eve over God. Being passive, that is having an unwillingness to stand in your God-given strength and fight, equals denying God. Adam’s passivity introduced sin to the human race, and that impacts you even today.

But we convince ourselves it is all right to be passive because it will be safe, which is code for taking the path of least resistance, and it will keep us from rocking the boat too much, which is code for being afraid to stand for what is right. Passivity is not a manly quality! It is Satan’s way of making you cower and yield to feelings of fear and abandonment that will drive you away from God.

Samson: An Abusive Man

Samson, the Old Testament judge, sometimes acted abusively. God had given him supernatural strength to serve others and protect them, but at times he chose to be abusive. He burned fields, vandalized property, and did other things to hurt others and show off. God has given you strength too, but unlike Samson, you need to choose to use it to help others and not to harm them.

Men who respond to challenges by acting abusively toward people usually feel like they are being forced to do things they don’t want to do. They may feel inadequate, small, and like they are not in control of things. Unlike the passive response, which is to fade into the background, the abuser acts up.

Abusers attempt to protect their small or fragile ego by an over-the-top display of physical strength like pushing or hitting, verbal abuse such as swearing or putting people down, or emotional manipulation like stomping off or behaving in a quiet, angry manner.

Abuse is selfish behavior intended to protect oneself by an inappropriate demonstration of power. But God gave you manly strength to stand up and protect others. When Samson died, his life assignment, to deliver Israel from the clutches of the Philistines, remained incomplete. His effort to protect his own ego left his people enslaved.

Jesus: A Perfect Man

Adam acted passively. Samson acted abusively. The feelings down inside were the same. They both felt fear and abandonment, and their responses were opposite but equally damaging. Neither felt they were up to the challenge before them. They responded poorly and the consequences were devastating.

Jesus showed us the right response. He was neither passive nor abusive. To be passive is to live as a spectator. To be abusive is to assume it all depends on you alone. It’s an angry, emotional, and often thoughtless and impulsive reaction that says, “I must set things straight here and now myself.” Jesus was engaged and fully present, never the sissy who watched life pass by. He was assertive, too, while depending entirely on His Father to help Him know exactly when and how to respond to injustice. Jesus took His feelings to His Father in prayer.

In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus expressed His feelings to His Father: “Let this cup pass.” But He knew to stand up and quietly and resolutely go to the cross. He was not passive, because no one took Jesus’ life; He gave it freely. Nor was He abusive. He had feelings and fear, which He expressed to the Father, but He didn’t sidestep His responsibilities. That is the way to respond when we feel alone or fearful.

The result of Adam’s passive behavior was sin. The result of Samson’s abusiveness was slavery. Jesus’ mature, manly response brought life for all who believe in Him.

God wants to sharpen and strengthen you to grow into the man He intends for you to become. The promise is that those who call on God as their Father will “put to death the misdeeds of the body” (Romans 8:13) and truly live. So walk in the confidence that God is your Father.

Whenever feelings of fear or inadequacies overwhelm you, call on your Heavenly Father, “Father, I’m feeling overwhelmed and am tempted to shrink back or act up. Help me confront this challenge with the confidence and wisdom that is promised to me as Your son.” God will lead people into your life to help you in those moments. They will be God’s hands extended. He will give you creative responses and timely advice and direction. You are not alone because you are God’s son. In Christ, you have what it takes to be a godly man.

In My Experience:

My story is one of confidence and support. I’m from a strong Christian family. I learned early to confide in God, to trust the support of my family, and to be grateful to our church for the opportunities their love provided. The very fact that I got to grow up overseas, to be bilingual, to participate in helping people in Peru and Bolivia know Jesus was because faithful people in our U.S. churches were willing to support my family financially. I grew up in an extremely supportive environment.

But that may not be your story. Perhaps your parents are divorced or you don’t enjoy the support of a godly family. That was my dad’s story. His father lived a wicked life and eventually divorced his mom. When my dad was six, his neighbor led him to the Lord. As soon as his dad, my grandfather, learned about it, he did what he could to undermine my dad’s faith in God.

Another family member tried to lure my dad to drink beer as early as eight years of age. But my dad never partook, thanks to the quiet resolve of his godly mother. In his teens, my dad felt directed to ministry but his father objected. He offered to pay for my dad’s college tuition if he agreed to study in a state university to become a mining engineer, but vowed my dad would receive nothing if he attended Bible college. My dad obeyed his Heavenly Father instead. My dad had every reason to be fearful and to feel abandoned. But God provided for all his needs.

My dad broke a downward spiral in our family line. His dad was an alcoholic. If he had drunk the beer offered him as a child, he too could have become a drunk. Instead my dad followed Christ. He provided his family the strong home life he was denied. He practiced sacrificial love for my mother that his own dad never modeled. Where did he learn to do that? From God, His Word, and godly counsel.

Maybe your life isn’t picture perfect. But since you’re reading this book, you likely have a mentor in your life that belongs to a Bible-believing church. Its members stand ready to help you the same way the Assembly of God church in Lone Pine, California, helped my dad when he was just a boy. Though my grandfather abandoned my dad and his mom, the church supported them. God did what He promised, to be “a father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5).

You have everything you need to step into the bright future God has planned for you. You are not a victim of circumstance. You are not a slave to fear. You are not abandoned. Your life right now may not be ideal, but you are not doomed. Your story today isn’t the final chapter. Entrust your tomorrow to God by living for Him every day. As you do, God will come through for you. My dad did it, and I’m glad he did!